Hi choochoo,
As a recent R9 owner, I was also focused on the recoil horror stories everyone told me. Fortunately, the owner of my local range had a used R9 he let me try before I sealed the deal. I'm not a big guy, which is why I was totally surprised by how manageable the recoil was for such a small pistol. My accuracy with the R9 at 18 feet was just as good as with my HK P2000SK. However, I did notice my arm was shaking a bit after 30 rounds.
I was also considering a PM9, and I agree with FloridaCCW: the PM9 trigger was just way too soft for me.
Cheers,
Steve