R9S forgot one landing maxim. "The landing is a good one if you can still open the doors."
I love the local line (totally forgot the name) going into Ceylon and made a landing that removed fillings from your teeth, then proceeded to veer left and right down the runway. After finally slowing enough to turn onto a taxiway the Indian accented voice from the cockpit announced, "I am very sorry for the rough landing. The Captain will now take over and taxi us into the gate." You KNOW who was flying that old bird.
Or the Southwest flight attendant who announced, after a very rough landing, "Ladies and gentlemen, Captain Crash will now slide what is left of the aircraft up against the jetway. Please try to pick yourself carefully through the rubble and into the terminal building." Too bad the girls can't get away with that any longer. It was fun.
And what's the difference between a flight attendant and a jet engine? The Engine stops whining once you get to the gate.