Xmas with Louise - :)

[R9SCarry]

Let me give you guys all a chuckle!  It seems this was a 1999 winner of a Xmas story deal - but be that as it may - it got my chuckle muscles working

[size=13]Christmas With Louise

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace
before Christmas.  He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.  What
they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every
Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor
pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true.   I put on sunglasses and
went in search of an inflatable love doll.  They don't sell those things at
Wal-Mart.  I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.  If you've never been
in an X-rated store, don't go.   You'll only confuse yourself.  I was there
an hour saying things like, "What does this do?  You're kidding me!  Who
would buy that?"

Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.  I wanted to buy a
standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my
truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour. Finding what I
wanted was difficult.  Love Dolls come in many different models.  The top of
the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in
a book on  animal husbandry.  I settled for Lovable Louise.  She was at the
bottom of the price scale.



To call Louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to
life.  My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the Wee
morning hours.  Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling
pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom.  I also ate some
Cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray.  I went
home, and giggled for a couple of hours.





The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house
and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog
confused.   She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some
more.


We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the
family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas
dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the
hell is that?" she asked.



My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."


"Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped.

I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.

"Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.

"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran" Jay said, to steer her into the
dining room.

But Granny was relentless.  "Why doesn't she have any teeth?

Again, I could have answered, but why would I?  It was Christmas and no one
wanted to ride in the back of an ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, hang
on!"

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and
said,  "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"

I told him she was a friend of Jay's.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not
just talking, but actually flirting.  It was then that we realized this
might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well.  We made the usual small talk about who had died, who
was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like
my father in the bathroom in the morning.  Then she lurched from the panty
hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.

The cat screamed.  I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran
across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation.  My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.

Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide
the cause of Louise's collapse.  We discovered that Louise had suffered from
a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.

Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to
perfect health!


Best to all

Merry Christmas![/size]

[Richard S]

Chris:

I was told not to do any laughing until my internal stitches dissolved.  Not to worry.  I just popped every stitch in my head laughing over "Louise."  

Merry Christmas to you and your family, my friend!

[theirishguard]

Chris, what a Christmas story, it is better or different than the The Christmas Story with the Daisy Red Rider rifle.
Tom

[Michigunner]

Good story, Chris.

Tom,

I cannot find a story here about the Daisy Red Ryder gun.

Bill

[theirishguard]

Bill, A Christmas Story, is a movie about a little boy and his brother and parents in Northern Indiana in the 40's. All he wants for Christmas is a Daisy Red Ryder rifle. His mom says no, you will shoot your eye out.
I gave my new in the box Red Ryder to a friend of mine for his grand son's present.
Tom

[Michigunner]

Thanks, Tom.  I'll have to watch that.

Merry Christmas

Bill

[Michigunner]

Tom,

I'm in northern Michigan now.  Last night, on the satellite I got the last half hour of the movie.  It looks good, so I'm waiting to catch the entire movie.  I used to work for Daisy so it will be especially interesting for me.

We were all excited about having sixteen inches of snow on the ground here, but sadly it started raining and things are pretty yucky.

We are celebrating Christmas with our family tonight, so we are waiting for them to come.  Santa will be one day late here.

Presents are all ready for the grandkids.

Bill

[theirishguard]

Bill, it sounds super. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas day.
Best of the new year to you and yours.
Tom

[Brenden]

Chris,
That would have been quite the Christmas...

Bill,
A Christmas Story is Classic!!
Everything from "the major award" to "you'll shoot your eye out" to the "flagpole"..I own a copy and it is one of the required watching of the season!!
If you do not have it though-TBS runs a 24 Hr. marathon every Christmas eve!!

BTW-we had "Christmas" weather at Thanksgiving,and Thanksgiving weather at Christmas this year!!!

HO HO HO  

Brenden

[CaptBW]

A Christmas Story, written by Jean Shepard, first appeared as a story in Playboy magazine.  That was back in the sixties or seventies.  (Yes, some people do read the magazine.)

[theirishguard]

I always did.
Tom